Let me preface this with a couple of facts.
- We have a dog that is not eating
- We are going on vacation for a couple of days in the near future
- We are kenneling our dogs on said vacation
- We spray weed and feed on our lawn about this time of year
And, most importantly,
- My husband and I work different shifts and ONLY talk three times a day – as I’m walking out the door in the morning, for 5-10 minutes during my lunch break and for 15 minutes at night during his lunch break.
Now, why, you might ask are any of these facts relevant? Well, let me replay a 5-minute conversation that we had this evening during the final conversation of our daily routine.
Him – “Did Izzy eat?”
Me – “Well,” I reply. “She ate a little bit of the rice and fake crabmeat you left from your lunch, but I’m not sure she is digging it. I’ll keep an eye on her.”
Him – “Okay, she should like it,” he says. “She loves vegetables.” (I’m thinking to myself, yeah, but where does the fake crabmeat come from? She’s a dog, not a cat.)
Me – “Why don’t you mix some rice with the chicken I have leftover for her for breakfast tomorrow,” I suggest.
Him – “I don’t eat rice with breakfast,” my husband states.
Me – “I didn’t tell you to eat rice for breakfast. I told you to mix rice with my leftover chicken and give it to Izzy for breakfast,” I say with a voice just a pitch higher than my last comment.
“I only eat rice with my lunch,” was his reply.
I clench my jaw and roll my eyes into the back of my head.
Him – “When are we leaving on our trip?” he asks.
Me – “Tuesday morning.”
Him – “I want to treat the lawn, but I don’t want the dogs to go on it after it’s sprayed.” (Yeah, right. Nice transition from vacation to spraying the lawn. Where did that come from?)
Me – “Well,” I reply. “ You have to drop the dogs off at the kennel at 5:00 on Monday afternoon so assuming it’s not raining, you could treat the lawn on Monday night and they wouldn’t be on it for the days that we are gone.” (Trying to bring the conversation back to the vacation we have yet to plan other than the departure day.)
Him – “Why would I spray it on Friday night? The dogs can’t go on it after I spray it.”
Me – “Why would you treat it on Friday? Huh? I said Monday. Why don’t you do it on Monday night after you drop the dogs off.”
Him – “When are we leaving on our trip?”
Me – “TUESDAY”
Him – “Why wouldn’t I treat the lawn on Monday night after I drop off the dogs rather than Friday?”
Me – “I don’t know. Why wouldn’t you? What was I thinking?”
The sarcasm is running rampant through my body and I am physically choking on the unsaid words. I am screaming inside my head. It’s a good thing that there are 20 miles between us.
Him – “Oops, times up. I gotta get back to work. Love you.”
Me – (mumbling and shaking my head) “Love you too”
Who is this man? Who was talking in his head? Who was I talking to?
I hang up the phone, prepare Izzy’s breakfast for tomorrow with rice that I don’t eat for lunch and ponder just when in the heck we’re leaving on vacation. I think I’ll pack tomorrow night…just in case.